my e-mail to a friend

Hi there,

Thank you for your message.

It might interest you to know that I do not believe there is such a thing as "unconditional love", even with God. Having been a "born-again Christian" for 8 years hasn't turned me into a pretty girl everybody wanted to date either, however much I felt "wondrous to behold" inside. And that's what it all boils down to, if you think of it. You might stay at home feeling "grand" about yourself but the reality out there preaches you otherwise and you tend to listen [to it] after some time.

If there is anything to be grateful about, it's my having grown out of those "sentiments". That "beautiful on the inside", "unconditional love", "twin souls", "soul mate", "happily ever after", "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh" etc crap. Both religious and otherwise!. And when you think about it, it's not like there is much difference between the meaning the born again and the unregenerate attaches to life [and the things in it]. From the beginning of time, men have been trying to "find God", meaning in life, harmony in the world [what St. Augustine called "the desire of a God"] in their own ways. And they have created their own gods, have felt pretty special about it, have claimed to be pretty special [because of it], have said their god was better than all other gods, that he/she/it only listens to them when they do certain things, that there is a lake of fire [and or some sort of misery] they'd be thrown into if they erred from "the right path" or the reward of happiness [in the land that flows with honey and milk] [in a garden of 70 virgins] [etc] when they play by the rules.

I was reading the "Epic of Gilgamesh" only the other day and you won't believe the stuff it has in common with stuffs in the bible, and it's like the oldest book in the world, right? [I've been told that Moses actually copied part of that book when talking about creation].

I don't know much about being a "realist" but I think I have turned into one unawares. I respect my parents not because God ordained it but only if they are found to be worthy of my respect. I don't think children are a gift from God, lovely as they are, because I live in Ethiopia and children are a curse here, to both their parents and themselves. And I certainly do not believe God created a man just for me, or would drag one by the neck so that I'd marry him. I can't believe I believed those things when I did. They are big fucking jokes! I know you'd have ample words in the bible as a response to this. Responses, if I may add, written by confused-by-God folks who refused to let go of the idea [that was Him]. That I can only "see" after I believed. Hebrew 11, etc. But that won't amount to anything more than what it is to me. A bunch of excuses we cooked up to replace the truth. Because facing the reality out there [the truth] would mean letting go of that sense of a "loving, accepting God" who would adore us and forgive us do what we might [something even our most loving parents aren't capable of doing]. It would also mean we aren't "chosen, loved until death" anymore. Without the bible and it's idea of an Agape-love, we would be our unloved-rejected-by-all selves. That's why most of us would cling to the idea that it's the world that's screwed up and not the bible, and that even Christ has said "you would have tribulation in this world", but "be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world". If not, there is always "heaven" to fall back on. The reward in the world to come to those who didn't make it in the world to go. Hmm... that DOES sound like the kind of thing a child would come up with, doesn't it? But then again the bible has said we can not go into heaven unless we were like "these little ones", right?!. So go figure!!

Lol. Sorry about that. But don't you find it odd that the most religious people are the most rejected people in this world?! Doesn't that tell you something more about your bible and it's real significance than just God choosing the "foolish of this world" to shame "the wise", etc?!.

You know, Hollywood seems to agree with this sentiment too. It's always the now-cool, desirable, successful, hunky guy beating up, making fun of, outwitting, or getting back at his old high school bully. Can't we, the rejects of this world, be doing the same when clinging unto our bibles and it's obviously unreal preachings when we show our leather bound black books to our "bullies", [the super models, the rich and successful, all those we envy] and say to them "Jesus loves me, oh yes he does, because the bible tells me so?!", I am accepted by God-not you, He loves me too, He's created me "marvelous and wonderful" -same as you, your happiness is like a dew in the morning that disappears when the sun rises - but not mine, I am going to heaven-and, honey, you ain't! And aren't they probably saying "dude, get a life"?!.

Please do not bother to get back to me using words from the bible. If I haven't made that clear already, I'd make it now. I do NOT believe the bible is "God's" word. Because, I simply don't believe in "the God of Abraham" thing [anymore]. That is a book written by a couple of Jews in Diaspora who needed "the idea of a God" [who CHOSE them over all nations of the world, hello!] to feel better about their position as foreigners in strange lands and never-really-liked-by anybody [never really liked by anybody.. hmm... interesting!] in very much the same way we [those who don't look "too pretty" to the real world outside] need the idea of a God to walk with our head held high. Even at the cost of the truth!! Unless, ofcourse, we decide to grow up some time. Like I did. Decided, I mean to say, not necessarily ;).

Have a nice day,